The Wounds of a Friend

FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS
volume 23, number 8, February 22, 2024

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy, Proverbs 27:6.

A year or so after King David’s adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah, her husband, Nathan gave his parable which wounded the king, resulting in David’s repentance (2 Sam.12:1-7 Ps.32, 51). Eli refused to rebuke his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, with disastrous consequences (1 Sam.2). Due to Peter’s hypocrisy,  Paul the apostle rebuked Peter to his face (Gal.2:11). We also know that David could not quite bring himself to rebuke and censure his son Absalom who usurped the kingdom from him and brought great heartache to David’s soul (2 Sam.15,18). Paul told the Ephesians that they were to lay aside falsehood and speak truth to one’s neighbor (Eph.4:25).  

Proverbs 27:6 states a very important contrast. Namely, the wounds of a friend are evidence of the faithfulness of the one bringing rebuke or correction. On the other hand we should beware of the kisses of any enemy. Someone who always tells you what want you want to hear is not doing you a favor. He is not your friend. None of us need “yes” men. Psalm 141:5 puts it differently, “Let the righteous smite me in kindness and reprove me; it is oil upon my head; do not let my head refuse it.” All of us, from time to time, need rebuke and chastisement. Beware of one who never challenges you about an attitude, belief, word, or action. A fool does not receive correction (Prov.15:5). 

No doubt you have been following the Alistair Begg controversy where Dr. Begg told a grandmother that it would be okay for her to attend her grandson’s “wedding” to a transgender person and to bring a wedding a gift for the couple. In light of our ministry over the years to homosexual people, Wini and I were recently discussing Dr. Begg’s advice to the grandmother and Wini brought up the Proverbs 27:6 passage, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Sometimes it is necessary to speak hard truths to our friends or family members. All the major players in the evangelical church, men like John MacArthur, John Piper, Al Moeller, et al have spoken against Dr. Begg’s position. I have little more to say here other than I agree with them, and I have many times counseled people not to attend “weddings” of homosexuals or transgender people. I have counseled people they should not attend the wedding of a couple where one is a professing Christian and the other is not. I have counseled parents that if their homosexual son wants to sleep with his partner in your house you should not allow it. To do so is to countenance sinful behavior. The same principle applies in every case. Attendance at such weddings is celebrating the event and how can we celebrate events of which we know God disapproves? To do so is being complicit with evil. We are to be like Jesus who spoke both truth and grace (John 1:14,17). Dr. Begg’s refusal to “walk back” his statement is very troubling. Most preachers I know, including myself, have misspoken on occasion and when challenged or rebuked, once seeing our error, have gladly retracted our statement. Dr. Begg has doubled down on his position. If this has always been his position then this is far worse than refusing to walk back his statement. Either way this is very troubling.  

At the end of a sermon where Dr. Begg addresses the controversy he said, “If I’ve got to go down on the side of one or the other, I’ll go down on this side. I’ll go down on the side of compassion.” Is it compassionate to “let things go” which are clearly wicked? It is not compassionate to refuse to warn the hardhearted, unrepentant sinner that he faces hellfire. It is not compassionate to give anyone a “pass” who is living contrary to God’s word. It is not compassionate to drink beer or bourbon with your underage son who is depressed because his girl friend just broke up with him. You are not your son’s best friend. You are his father or mother. He needs truth spoken to him at all times.  

This last statement, “I’ll go down on the side of compassion,” is stunning. This sounds like something a theological liberal would say. I am not suggesting that Dr. Begg has all of a sudden become such. Nonetheless, neo-theological liberalism does not directly deny the infallibility or inspiration of the Scriptures, but they are prone to the over contextualization of Scripture. There is a place to contextualize one’s writing or speaking in order to make one’s sermon or teaching more understandable to one’s hearers. When I am in East Africa, for example, I do not use baseball illustrations. When I am in South Africa I do not use football illustrations. I will try to illustrate the same points by referring to soccer, cricket, or rugby. In other words, to attend a homosexual “wedding” in order to show the love of Jesus is not a proper use of contextualization. 

I want to use the situation with Alistair Begg to speak to all of us. Let’s get personal and practical here. Do you willingly and humbly receive a Biblical rebuke from your spouse? Do you willingly and humbly receive the rebuke of your elders when they tell you that you seem to be neglecting your wife and children by excessive work? When someone at church tells you that you do not have your young children under control, how do you respond? When a friend suggests that you seem bitter toward your husband, do you listen? When your pastor bears down on application in his sermon, do you resent his words? Do you project your guilt to someone else in the church who is “more deserving” of the rebuke? I realize that all rebuke is not necessarily warranted. I realize there are self-righteous people who love to bludgeon people with their words. So, often we must consider the source, but are you willing to listen and act if necessary? 

And pastors, what about you? Due to your position of leadership, do you fancy yourself like the CEO of a company and believe you are superior in ability and prominence to the other elders of the church? When criticized by members of the church, do you “double down” and turn the tables on them? Do you go on the attack when challenged or criticized? When people leave the church, do you automatically believe their criticism of you is unjustified, that it is good that they have left because they are the problem. Have you really searched your heart to see if you might be the slightest bit guilty of the charges they are leveling against you, or do you “blow them off” without a thought?

When a friend, elder, or work associate challenges your position then see it the way God sees it. It is meant to be a positive wound. And remember that God’s free grace is always greater than your sin. Go back to Jesus in faith and repentance and allow His blood to cleanse and restore you.