Grief Fueled By Guilt

FORGET NONE OF HIS BENEFITS
volume 23, number 9, February 29, 2024

. . . and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes, Revelation 21:4a

On Saturday, July 22, 2023 Dr. Sarah Mullican, an anesthesiologist, was lounging at the swimming pool of the Pine Tree Country Club near my house in Irondale. Her two daughters, Callie age 8 and Annabelle age 10, were with her. Apparently Sarah had been drinking or taking some controlled substance. While driving on Old Leeds Road to her home in Mountain Brook she was speeding and driving recklessly on the winding road. A Mountain Brook police officer saw her and began to pursue her automobile with lights flashing. Dr. Mullican threw a cup out of her window as she was swerving all over the road. At one point she lost control of the car, which left the road, hit several trees, and then turned over. She and Callie suffered minor injuries but Annabelle, age ten, who was not wearing her seat belt, had major head trauma and died shortly thereafter. Dr. Mullican was charged with reckless manslaughter, was booked, posted bail, and now awaits trial. Her husband has divorced her. She has lost her medical practice, and she has to live for the rest her life with the awful truth that she is responsible for her daughter’s death. No doubt she has great grief fueled by her guilt. If you had a chance to speak with Sarah, what would you say?  

You know the story well. King David, called a man after God’s own heart when He took the kingdom from Saul and gave it to David, (Acts 13:22)), was frittering away time when he should have joined his men in fighting the Ammonites, one of their perennial enemies. David saw Bathsheba, lusted after her, sent for her, and engaged in a clear case of adultery. After hearing that his mistress was pregnant, he orchestrated the death of her husband, Uriah, on the battle field. A year or so later Nathan said, “You are the man,” and David finally saw the gravity of his sin and repented (Ps.32, 51). While David received forgiveness for his sins, he nonetheless lived the rest of his life with the consequences of it. Nathan said to David, “Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife,” (2 Sam.12:10). From that point forward David experienced one hardship after another. The son from his adulterous affair died. Amnon raped Tamar, Absalom’s sister, and two years later Abasalom had Amnon murdered. The violence and dysfunction continued, culminating in the rebellion of his son Absalom who usurped the kingdom from David (2 Sam.15:6). David had grown soft in dealing with his children and Absalom took full advantage of David’s lingering guilt, not unlike what happens when a man leaves his wife for another woman and spoils his children by giving them whatever they want to appease his guilt. Later when David’s men risked their lives in pursuing and then killing the usurper, David wept uncontrollably, saying, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son,” (2 Sam.18:33). David’s grief was fueled by his sense of guilt. 

As a believer in Jesus Christ, born again to a living hope through Christ’s resurrection from the dead, you should now realize that you are fellow heirs with Christ, fellow members of the body of Christ, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel (Eph.3:6). In other words, you are heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ (Rom.8:17). All that Jesus has in His state of exaltation will one day be yours. You are now in the body of Christ, though you once were hopeless, ungodly, and on the sure road to perdition (Rom.5:6, 12:4,5, Eph.4:4-6). And you are partakers of the promise in Christ (Eph.2:11-13, 2 Tim.1:1) and all the promises are “yes, yes” in Jesus (2 Cor.1:20). In another words, think of all the promises in Scripture and they are yours. They apply to you by virtue of Christ’s finished work on the cross, followed by His resurrection. 

Do you have lingering guilt from the past? Did you neglect your wife and children, eventually resulting in her divorcing you and taking the children who now hate you? Did you foolishly try to live above your means, plunging you into debt, and when you lost your job and were unable to cover your debt, you lost your house? Did you lose your job due to substance abuse or an addiction to porn and bring great shame on your family?

What can I say to you? What could I say to Sarah Mullican? First, there is always hope in Jesus. There is never hope anywhere else. You must come face to face with your sin and see the heinous nature of it, that you have sinned against the holy, Triune God and you justly deserve His eternal displeasure. You must own your sin. You cannot transfer blame to anyone else. You must call upon Jesus to save you, to cleanse you, and to empower you by the Holy Spirit. You must ask Him for a new heart (Ezek.18:31). 

If you are already a Christian, then what? First, if you are in Christ then He has taken away your sins, having nailed them to the cross, canceling out the certificate of debt against you (Col.2:13,14). But what about the overwhelming grief which often is fueled by your guilt? I would imagine that if Sarah Mullican becomes a Christian, and I certainly pray she does, that she will have an unbelievably difficult time overcoming her grief. Yes, if a true Christian she is forgiven of all her sins, but the sorrow over what she has done will be next to impossible to erase. Then what? Is there ever any relief from the sorrow fueled by guilt? Yes there is. 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among the people, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away,” (Rev.21:1-4). 

At Christ’s second coming, when He establishes the new heaven and the new earth, when He restores all creation to its original pristine glory, when He rights all the wrongs and injustices ever perpetrated, then He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. Sometimes those tears you have shed are due to injustices done against you, but sometimes they are wrongs you have brought on other people who have lived and suffered because of your sins. You are partakers of all these promises in Christ Jesus. 

This is what I would tell Sarah Mullican and this is what I am saying to you. God’s grace is always greater than our sin (Rom.5:20,21). “O the depths of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways,” (Rom.11:33)! Grief fueled by guilt will disappear on that great day.